My Secret Obsession

I feel the mountain beneath my feet - powerful and majestic. The darkness. It swaddles me, caresses me. Touching every part of me. It clears my mind and sharpens my senses. I hear the dew falling from the leaves and tip-tipping on the wet grass. I hear a rustling in the leaves. I turn towards the noise. I smell something - sweet, but stale. I know this smell. It is the smell of death.

Death. Ever-present, ever-reaching, waiting in every shadow for its next victim. But this death is no ordinary death. This death is much more sinister. Doomed forever to watch as everything he knows and loves dies around him. He - in his beautiful immortality - a blessing and a curse. I see the faint silver shine of his eyes in the darkness. It takes my breath.

He wants me to know he’s there. I can hear my heartbeat quicken with the realization of my fate. Die or live. Both so permanent. Both so enticing and yet so foreboding. My decision must be made quick. I know the stakes. This will be my last night. My blood races through my veins. I know he craves it. Quickly - my choice. But so much to be considered. My family. My life as I know it. Am I ready to leave it so soon? Fond memories fading into faint glimmers of what seemed so dear to me? Glimpses of what could or would have been?

Die or live - quickly. He takes a step forward - slow and deliberate. His shape begins to take form. He is tall and strong. His skin, white and luminescent in the moonlight. His face is solemn. Then a smile. He knows I have made my decision. I reach for him, waiting. My arms extended in an empty embrace. In a movement too quick for my eyes to perceive, he accepts my embrace. He feels like a marble statue in my arms. It is a welcome feeling. I can hear my breathing coming in quick, raspy gasps. The smell - so sweet - is like a drug. I cannot think. I cannot move. His mouth moves to mine and he gently brushes his lips with mine. I shudder at his cold touch. His lips move away from mine, across my cheek. My skin burns from the sensation. My hot to his cold. His mouth wanders with a purpose. He traces my jaw line with his lips parted. His breath is like a winter breeze. He pulls me closer to him as he finds my neck with his mouth. A sigh escapes me. He lingers there, caressing my neck with his lips. I shiver with desire and terror. His teeth sink into my flesh and at once I feel the need to defend myself in some way. To stop him. But I am helpless against his spell. I feel the blood - the life - draining from my veins. He lowers me to the damp earth as my breathing shallows. He detaches from me and his eyes burn into my soul. He offers his wrist to me and I hesitate. I feel the darkness pulling me into it. Die or live. I take his wrist and begin to drink. I feel the life returning to me. I feel strong, awake, revived. I can hear and see everything so clearly. And then the pain is so intense, I don’t think I can stand it.

But with one convulsion - it was over. My cheeks are wet with tears. My heart pounds in my ears and my skin is flushed. My husband stirs beside me in the bed. He reaches for me, but I pull away. I am not ready for reality yet. As I lie there with the early morning sun making patterns on my skin, my heart sinks. Once again, I am left with the longing. A burning desire that cannot be snuffed. I hear the house begin to awaken. My children creep out of their beds. I know I must put on the daily facade; the guise of normalcy. I must lock away my secret obsession and give the key to my dreams.